i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
