he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
