Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
