he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my poor anus
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
