roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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