my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
