My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
