why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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