they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
