are you so shy because you have an std?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
