Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
