never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
