just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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