I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
