i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
