Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize