dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
