My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
