Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
