I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
