My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
