the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
