Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
