Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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