when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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