Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize