we made out on top of his cat.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
