Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
