Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
