so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
