bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
