I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
