hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
