Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
