so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
