Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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