she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
