I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
