i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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