he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
