I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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