If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
