I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
