some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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