I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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