he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
