Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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