everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
