he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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