you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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