Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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