would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
