No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
