I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You are a genius and a whore.
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