i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
