Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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