Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize