Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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