i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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