it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
