my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
