I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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