It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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