Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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