The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
